Facebook

Lifeline This Week

Sat May 30 @09:00 - 11:30AM
Downtown Mobile Medical Clinic
Sun May 31 @05:00 - 08:00AM
Koinos Church
Fri Jun 05 @02:30 - 04:30AM
Mobile Clinic
Sat Jun 06 @05:30 -
LifeLine Community Dinner
Sat Jun 06 @09:00 - 11:30AM
Downtown Mobile Medical Clinic

Scott Free

SCOTT FREE

Pontiac, MI 1964

022509

 

I don’t know what you gained that day:

Possibly a sense of power or control,

The thrill of conquest or revenge’s relief.

Maybe you passed to someone else –

Me – what had once been given you,

Reducing your pain at my expense.

I have to wonder if what you got was

Something even you couldn’t understand.

 

I thought it something singularly cool

To have a guy so much older and

More important, I thought, than me,

That wanted to spend time after school.

But what you had in mind for me that day

Was something that had never entered

My seven year old arena of awareness,

And shook my Leave It To Beaver world.

 

I don’t know what advantage you gained,

But I know some of what I lost that day.

I lost my innocent confidence in an idea:

The idea that people are worthy of trust,

That it’s not in people to force themselves

On another in violation of their desire,

And I lost whatever need had been mine

To remember all the days of my childhood.

 

Blue sky existence in childlike optimism

Gave way o’er time to more clouded view,

And my psyche pushed the memory

Into deep recesses of unconsciousness:

Your name a vague remembrance, but

Not knowing why it floated ethereally there,

Occasionally surfacing for a moment,

Then fading as quickly into time’s mists.

 

Decades went by without a mention

By any other person I knew, who knew,

Conveniently tucked into the archives

Of experiences forgotten, or ignored,

Perhaps in hope that time would erase

The deeply graven scars completely.

But private questions still haunted me,

And unknowing hinted at the knowing.

 

When at last the recurring fear confirmed

What had been shrouded in mystery,

And light shown bright on my wondering;

As long-hidden shame and grief emerged

From the cave of ignorance and pretense,

Waves of relief crashed over my mind.

What you took that day lost its secret hold,

And what I lost was finally, fully restored.